Resilience in older adults

Author Maureen Osis invited colleague Cathy Hume to dispel the stereotype that 'older people are set in their ways and don't change.'  We share stories of older adults who demonstrated resilience and adaptation.

"Resiliency is something you do, more than something you have .... You become highly resilient by continuously learning your best way of being yourself in your circumstance."
Al Siebert, Resiliency Center

 I'm  Maureen Osis and as the creator of this Blog, I'm always interested in combating misconceptions that might affect those who read this content. Recently, I was chatting with a colleague -  Cathy Hume - about some myths and misperceptions about older adults. Each of us enjoyed our careers that focused on working with and for adults in their later years. We recalled that we often heard the ageist stereotype that "older people are set in their ways and don't change." We strongly disagreed. We met people who, despite life's many challenges, coped well. Against common misconceptions, they demonstrated resilience and adaptation.

Simply stated, resilience is the ability to adapt to life's challenges, adversity, tragedy, or significant stress.

Resilience has been identified as one of the pillars of successful aging. It is a factor not just for a long life span but a long 'health span.' It is a topic of increasing attention; for example, the article from the Center for Mental Health and Aging. How to Build Resilience in Older Adults. Hint: It's NOT diet and exercise. 

I asked Cathy if she would share her thoughts about "Resilience in Older Adults." We also decided to share two stories of individuals who displayed resilience in later life.

What Resilience Individuals Have in Common

When asked about what resilient individuals have in common, Cathy offered the following perspective.

Resilience in older adults is fascinating. Against common misconceptions, many thrive in the face of life's challenges. Perhaps it’s one positive outcome of aging and acquiring wisdom!

In my observations, these older individuals have some things in common.

They have strong social connections, for starters. Perhaps it’s their church, neighbours, family or friends that are a good support network. Coping with stress well gives one the ability to continue to assess priorities and understand “what they can control and what they can’t.” Friends and family are often able to provide support when a problem seems all-encompassing. When you feel more in control, it brings forward a stronger sense of optimism, hope and, therefore, the capacity to move forward.

Distraction from life challenges can’t be underrated either. If you are busy volunteering or have other commitments, you have the opportunity to rest from your current troubles or stressors. It can allow you to recover some normalcy during a crisis.

Mary's Story - Transforming with Resilience

Cathy provided the following story to highlight resilience in older adults.

Take Mary (*name changed for privacy) who, during the earliest days of her retirement and freedom from work, was entering a new phase of her life. It was well-planned and going just as expected. Suddenly, she was confronted with the fact her daughter was unable to care for her newborn son - due to substance use disorder. Mary herself was considered to be a highly anxious person, so this type of situation was not something that she would have easily coped with. What also didn’t help was her husband went into complete denial and failed to be a reliable supporter. This journey was not an easy one, and the entire family seemed to be collapsing under the strain of it all.

The biggest surprise to all those around Mary was her ability to transform herself from the victim in a horrible situation into someone who could facilitate change and offer support. She did this through her social network, where she shared the complete truth of her situation instead of keeping up social graces. She tended to be a very private person, but she could tell this wasn’t going to work; she needed people. She told others that the family was struggling and that they had no idea how this story would end. But she needed to be honest and transparent about what was happening. Her daughter continued to plunge deeper into addiction. Things started to happen that Mary never thought possible.

Mary went back to school. She learned how to access free learning platforms on the internet. She joined support groups. She learned everything she could about addictions and personality disorders. She also learned that she can’t control everything and that doing her best was enough. Mary also made herself a priority and started working out and eating better. She wanted to feel better about the things she could control.

Interestingly, she started asking strangers for advice and sharing her journey widely to see what other people thought. She could soon see that her problem was a common one, and the shame of her daughter’s substance use disorder started to leave her. She became more positive about the future and knew that she couldn’t control the outcome, but she could control her life. She celebrated the small wins and shared these small milestones with her social network. She created boundaries on the endless advice that was offered, unsolicited. As well she corrected people when things were said that were thoughtless and damaging.

Mary's story demonstrates that aging doesn’t mean there is a decline or inability to cope or adapt. People find comfort and strength at any stage of life. Older adults are completely able to find new resiliency skills and manage to overcome serious and consuming problems.

Similar stories can be told about people who have had life-changing events in their 90s.

Jim's Story - You Can Change at any Age

Here is a story I wanted to share about resiliency in an older adult.

When I was a Marriage and Family Therapist, I worked with senior individuals and families who wanted to make changes in their relationships and life situations.

Jim (*name changed for privacy) was a ninety-year-old widower with two adult children and three grandchildren. He came to see me and said, "I am curious about this 'therapy thing.' Since my wife died, I’ve had a terrible new insight. I now realize that I have a great relationship with my daughter and a very poor relationship with my son.” Jim explained, “I never worried about it because my wife got along so well with our son. But now I’m thinking that this isn’t right. I need to repair this before I die. So, I’d like to talk to you to see what I can do.”

I could see that Jim was a man with much inner strength, including a great sense of humour. I also recognized that he belonged to a generation that was not very comfortable with the idea of asking others for help. He could easily be stereotyped as set in his ways and unwilling to change. Some might think that it is too late to change at 90!

Jim and I talked about the process and the possible value of counselling. And in talking about what we might do together about his problem, I asked, “Do you think it will take very long for you to do this work?” He replied, “It better not! I don’t even buy green bananas!”

We had two sessions together, and then he met with his son. Later, he told me, “We are on the road to a new relationship.” That insight is far from being “old and set in your ways.” Jim was saying, I need to do something, and I need to do it quickly, and I am going to follow through.

It has been my experience that older adults are very adaptable. Just think of Jim’s willingness to come for counselling when he is part of a generation that thought therapy meant you were “crazy.” Think about his willingness to admit that he played a role in his negative relationship with his son. He didn’t hide behind the adage, “Father knows best.” Jim took responsibility to change this situation and to heal the relationship with his son.

Can You Build Resilience?

The following are some tried and true ways both Cathy and I think help resilience.

Future-proof yourself

Now is probably a good time to look at yourself and think about resilience. Future-proof yourself for life's challenges. Look at ways to welcome many people into your life. Continue to grow and learn in areas of interest so that you have a place of retreat when needing the “positive influence” of your day-to-day life.

Exercise - any kind

Know that your body will welcome the smallest opportunity to be stronger, and exercise of any kind releases all the “feel good” hormones.

Avoid the stereotypes of aging

Don’t fall prey to the stereotypes of aging. It's a myth that older adults become “crabby” as they age. Older adults report having higher levels of happiness and life satisfaction than younger individuals. Keep taking in life as you want and seeing the beauty in the things that matter to you by exposing yourself to more new things and opportunities.

Enlarge your circle of support

Lastly, someone you never thought you would have a single thing in common with might turn out to be the one person you can count on. Cathy shared this anecdote.

"Recently, I heard an older executive speaking at a health care presentation declare that his life of destructive behaviours had resulted in the end of his marriage and loss of his job. He was completely at rock bottom. Through group counselling sessions, he met a young Indigenous man who, at 32, had completely changed his life around.

That young man helped Jackson (*name changed for privacy) turn his life around and helped him see that his life ahead had to be filled with the power of belonging to a community. By acknowledging that, he had the power of change within himself because people will help you overcome."

Bette Davis said, “Old age ain’t no place for sissies,” and we agree with her. Older adults survive the loss of friends and spouses, major changes in society, and unexpected lifestyle changes. They survive many changes in their bodies and minds due to normal aging and adapt to chronic health problems that accompany aging. In a word, they are resilient!

In a previous post, we interviewed three people who pursued a new interest or success in later life.  In the words of Rich Karlgaard, these "Late Bloomers" have insight, resilience, compassion and wisdom. 

Authors

Maureen Osis 

Maureen retired from her career -- first as a Gerontological Nurse and then as a Marriage/Family Therapist in private practice working with mid-life and older adults. Maureen has published numerous articles and books related to both professions. She is a member of CALL because she is passionate about learning. She is a volunteer with CALL, doing social media and the primary author of the blog because she likes to face new challenges.

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Cathy Hume

Cathy Hume is a colleague that I have known and admired for many years. In 2023, she was awarded the Individual Alberta Minister's Seniors Service Award for her volunteer service to seniors.

With a senior living career spanning over 30 years, Cathy has consistently demonstrated an unwavering commitment to creating positive experiences within the housing and healthcare sector for older adults. Beginning as a recreation therapist, and advancing to leadership roles, Cathy’s volunteer efforts have been transformative. She challenges stereotypes of aging, champions innovation, and has spearheaded impactful initiatives, fundraising events, skills development conferences, and award programs for honouring volunteers in the community. As a senior herself now, Cathy is even more focused on ageism and breaking down the myths of aging.

As President of the Calgary Seniors Housing Forum Society for 14 years, Cathy tirelessly fundraises and ensures timely information is brought to Calgary seniors. She also served on the board and was the president of the Creative Aging Calgary Society, where she secured funding for community-based arts programs for seniors during the pandemic to combat isolation. Cathy has also had advisory roles at the University of Calgary and the City of Calgary, where she contributed to age-friendly initiatives. Her visible presence and passions ensure that thousands of vulnerable seniors have a voice and access to crucial information and support. Cathy uses hiking and running as her fresh air stress buster and is running a marathon in Niagara Falls in October, 2024. This will be her 11th marathon.

Contact Information:  Cathy Hume Consulting
cathyhume@gmail.com

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